Larry Horayne

He knows all your secrets. He invented them.

Month: September, 2012

An open letter to the internet and certain people.

I won’t repeat the sentiments that have been stated so well by others, but I will reaffirm my thoughts on the majority of people I refer to.

The reason WHY thoughts and comments like this exist is simply because you people are examples of what is wrong with magic and humanity in general. You narrow-minded, intolerant fuckholes are absolute pricks against anyone who does not coincide with your views and opinions. You exclude and berate any and every person who chooses to think something that you may not entirely agree with.

If you haven’t picked it up yet; the only reason things like this exist is because you people are bastards to anyone outside your little ‘circle’ or who aren’t blindly supporting your work. I’d rather people were honest and told me they didn’t like something instead of pulling the wool over my eyes. The only people who have made this ‘worse’ are yourselves because without your negative bullshit, constant jabs at others and poorly credited/performed magic, there would be nothing for us to say. Thanks for leading by example.

… fuck it, you people are dumb shits.




Hold on a fuckin’ minute…

…  Why the fuck am I not getting any attention?

Oh… I see.. those bastard scumfuckers on the Cafe have unfortunately ruined yet another worthy voice who had an opinion but didn’t feel the need to edit it to play nice.

Andrew, bring back your blog. The world needs people like you, who don’t take bullshit and actually have a fucking opinion that isn’t bred from a bunch of circle-jerking fucking keyboard enthusiasts who don’t know dick about anything.

You assholes spout opinion and advice when most of you can’t do the work, own the books or even understand what is going on. *COUGH* VLAD77 *COUGH*.

Fuck you guys. Fucking bunch of ‘old boys’, excluding people, trying to tell people what’s good about magic, what they should think and what’s the proper thing to do when you assholes don’t even understand what the fuck is going on half the time in your day to day lives. Somehow, everyone is either against you or sycophantic fuckheads who wouldn’t know good taste if it shat directly in their open eyes.

You self-serving, egotistical fuckwits on the Cafe are ruining magic. I hope you all wake up without thumbs and pinkies.

Go fuck yourselves with a rake,
(except for Andrew, Roland, Mule and Justin.)

Now, let’s get back to focusing on me….



History; (or Shit-story)

Getting harder to do these.
HAHA, Don’t get your hopes up too quick. I’m still kicking, assholes.

A slight divergence from the usual shit to discuss something which I find to be one of the shittiest things about magic (aside from Paul Gordon, Doug Edwards, 99% of the fuckwits on the Cafe, every dodgy cunt named Jovica or James Brown and my own egotistical writings and afterthoughts.)

And that is how absolutely fucked the history of magic is over the last hundred years, and the recording of it via books, periodicals and visual media, simply because of ego and personal gain.

First off, I am the greatest being to have ever existed, and I have created everything before me and after. So there is no need for books to say anything to go against that fact. If anything, I write to reaffirm how ball-drippingly brilliant I really am. The basis of my Derp-ocalypse magazines was the foretelling of the four horsemen at the end of the world (comprising of a tsunami of Doug Edwards’ “magic” sucking the life out of everything in its path, as well as ruining perfectly good ideas by forcing my own opinions and ways to do everything.) And throughout the whole time it was going on, even if I was wrong, people would be quick to support me because of my status back in the day. And no-one would question it because they were insular as fuck, or didn’t have the funds or ability to access anything that said otherwise.

The fact that we now live in a time where we can accurately back track written records and objectively create a unified history is something that has never existed before in almost all ways of life. Yet, in magic, we have a tonne of self-obsessed fuckwits who choose to alter history to gain credit, and a barrage of assholes making ‘new’ magic for the sake of having their name out there or making money, NOT to improve or develop an effect, concept or method.

There are some people who are actively giving back to magic, both in evolution and development of methods, theory, plots, presentations and capabilities. There are so many new names, so many notes and books that have come up in the last 20-30 years alone who have been influential in getting us to the point we are at today. But with all the good, comes the barrage of cloned scum-fucks who have a narrow viewpoint, made up of the opinions of others simply because it’s easier to borrow an opinion than to have one yourself. And then there’s scraping  the absolute bottom of the fucking barrel, Paul Gordon. Reading his stuff feels like tea-bagging the underside of a lawnmower.

The internet has ruined everything for people like me, because in the past I would simply give (FORCE) my own opinion and people would assume (BE TOLD) it was a fact. Now, everyone has access to places like the Conjuring Arts Research Center, books and DVDs are inexpensive and accessible, and everyone can make opinions for themselves. Which is a fucking awful idea. Because now I can’t plug my own products and tell people they’re wrong because I am everything that is good about magic.

What’s the point of this?

We are at a point in time where we can research a plot, a method or an effect and see almost everything in print that has come before. This has been instrumental in both the proper crediting and development of some amazing magic. Also, because of accessibility, it has given people an equal level of capabilities in learning something and understanding it. In the past, it could be due to the fact that sending and viewing information was expensive and cumbersome. Now, it is cheap, quick and easy.

So, it means if someone is too lazy to learn how to properly control a card, or glazes over on the technical side of things or can’t learn from a book, they should not be doing magic. For the rest of us who care, be ready to have your understanding and expectations torn apart and re-built regularly. And be willing to share things with people who care about magic. It’s the only way you’ll give a shit and learn anything worth doing.

Also, fuck every company that spends more time developing a new deck of cards every 2 weeks instead of creating quality magic products. Y’all need to be skull dragged over broken glass. The rest of your ‘products’ are mostly rushed, improperly credited, muddied variations which have already been in print, or are such minor variations that they should be smothered at birth.

May your ears turn into assholes and shit on your shoulders,