Why most magicians fucking suck..

by Wouldn't you like to know?

First off, a quick note and thank you. Tyler Wilson recently contacted me to clarify a reference for ‘In Between’ from Mike Kociolek’s notes. The well known ‘Spectator does a trick’ from Al Leech is pre-dated in print by a German book titled ‘Ein Speil Karten’ (translated, ‘A Deck of Cards’) back in 1853, in an effect titled Predestination. Many thanks to Tyler, and props to bringing this reference to attention.

Second, a personal message to Tyler. You combo cuss-words like a toothless whore in space. Stay golden, pony boy.

And now, onto the feature presentation…..

I hate every single one of you. Except Tyler. And Justin. And the Mule. And Doug. And a few other people. BUT THAT’S IT.The reason I hate you people so fucking much is because 99% of magicians are generally sycophants, or self-obsessed assholes.

And don’t you guys go nicely together?

For the sycophants, it seems we’ve all become prissy bitches, and people adopt this as the ‘normal’ way, i.e. being polite. People aren’t honest or brutal enough, especially when magic needs constant feedback from the audience and other magicians to say what was good and bad. I’ve seen people fuck up the easiest sleights, perform some of the shittest effects and do the most trivial things and yet people still give them a pat on the back and tell them it’s awesome.

Absolute fucking bullshit.

It’s not. They’re just being nice and want to hear that reciprocated. I’ve barely met or spoken to any magicians who openly state an opinion with a valid judgement that goes against the norm.

Don’t even get me started on everyone’s favourite re-writing-history-because-I-can stupid son of a bitch… (it’s me). Give credit where credit is due, but do not disregard shortcomings and bad magic because of someone’s status. I am the epitome (pun) of self-obsessed cockheads. The vile opinion that spews from my mouth is supported only by my ego, not by fact or by good judgement. And the countless mindless sycophants lap it up and support it as history.

There’s a need for people to be more honest. Even as hobbyists, there are some people I know who are brutally honest, but they have the skills, the knowledge and the experience to back it up. And I will do the same. If there is an effect or move I don’t like, or you flash, or I can give you something to look up to improve what you’re doing, I will tell you if I respect you. And I mean well when I do it. Because if I don’t tell you, then you’re just performing a poorly constructed, poorly executed effect to a polite audience.

And at that point, the only person being deceived is you. And you’re deluding yourself into thinking you’re a good performer. And if you are self obsessed like me, then you are an absolute cunt.

Even today, a quick turn of phrase where someone attempts to compliment me or my work, I take it as an insult and immediately tell the person they’re a fucking moron and have no place in magic, or on this Earth and they shouldn’t have been shat into existence. Even when corrected, I won’t apologise. Even if you’re nuzzling up to my hairy bean-bag and calling me master, I will still tell you that you’re a piece of shit.

Because you all are pieces of shit in my eyes. I am the greatest thing to have ever happened to this planet, nay, this universe that we exist in. It is all because of me. You assholes don’t seem to understand how amazing I am and how important I am to everyone and everything.

In regards to lecturers or someone performing a show and being entertaining, you need to have something worthwhile for your audience. However, 99% of the people there are people who have no skill set and use magic simply as a social gathering. To prove a point of how different they are, they have actually asked for lecturers to ‘dumb down’ their effects and methods to suit them. I’ll say that again.

There are people with enough audacity to ask an internationally renowned performer to change his lecture, his ways and his methods to suit an audience of magicians who don’t have the time, patience or respect to sit, practice and learn something.

In the past few years, I’ve met some amazing magicians and performers, such as Bill Goodwin, Alfonso, David Williamson, Kostya Kimlat and John Armstrong, seen them lecture and do shows. For the lectures, each of them keeps the interest alive because you’re interested in the person, not just the magic. If you ever get a chance to see Williamson do a lecture, DO IT. Possibly one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen while learning good magic and good ideas. The reason why the above names stick out is because they don’t just perform their effects and explain them, they introduce themselves, you get to know them, they hook you in. Like most good magicians, they know what works and what doesn’t work in attracting your audience to be interested.

Most magicians suck because they either kiss ass or they’re trying to steal attention away from me. But then there are the good guys. The ones who can back up what they say with what they do.

If everyone was awesome, no one would be awesome. That’s why I think it’s better to be an underrated hero compared to being some fucking money grubbing, self obsessed shithead who can’t remember good manners and modesty.

….

Thoughts?

Tell me what you really fucking think.

LH

Advertisements