Fun facts (bullshit) about me…

by Wouldn't you like to know?

Did you know that I am the best thing to happen since sliced bread? And I invented sliced bread too.

I’ve had some people tell me recently, “Larry, every time I try to put how excellent you are into words, I shit myself and vomit uncontrollably.”

But alas, I am but a humble man. But there are a bunch of fucking assholes trolling me on every forum and every street corner, doubting everything about me. They say I’m not even real. The fucking NERVE of those bastards. I’m as real as the belly button lint of Charlie Miller. Or the shit stains of excitement caused by Tyler Wilson opening a can of badassery on his audiences (lub you long time, Tyler).

Naysayers gonna Naysay. Here are some points that you may not know:

  • I created God and the Bible, but some asshole STOLE MY MATERIAL !!!1!!ONEONEONE@*$^*(@&$)(^$)$&)
  • I have solved Hofzinser’s Problem.
  • Jesus stole my water to wine act that I published on a rock.
  • I am bringing about a book soon on the complete history of the world as I have created it. It will first be published in Larry-Horaynglish.
  • I can do Curry’s Open Prediction with 1 card. And the Berglas Effect too. Fuck logic.
  • If you have credible proof that supports your argument, and I don’t, my opinion is still correct (and better).
  • I once stole an idea from myself. Minds were blown. People were bleeding from the ears. It was fuckin’ baller.
  • When I performed Ernest Earick’s ‘Claptrap’, I caused 3 tsunamis, an earthquake and impregnated half of China. Even the dudes (especially the dudes)
  • If you have a secret, and I have a secret, my secret is more secret than yours.

I have more, but why the fuck would I give them up so easily? I think I’m going to take everything I’ve published before, re-edit them and re-write history and sell it for 5 times what the original books are worth. Why?
BECAUSE I AM A MONEY GRUBBING FUCKING ELF.

I do kids parties too, which involves coffee enemas and sacrificing small goats.

LH

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